who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
