the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My ass is underappreciated
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
