Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The best revenge is premature balding
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
