Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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