how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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