Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
