Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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