I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
