You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize