Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
