Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
