If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
