If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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