but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
