I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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