i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
