i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
