And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
