so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
