so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
