I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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