I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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