you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
