Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
