You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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