I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
