yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
