just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
