My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
