my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
