Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
