I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize