After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
