thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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