New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
