I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize