I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
