It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
