just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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