Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
