god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize