Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
