Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
