My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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