And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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