someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
