just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
