so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
