She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
