I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
