dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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