some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
