apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
