dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
