It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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