I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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