I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
