hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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