I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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