Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
