Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
