Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
