I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
