she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
